Life with Menopause

Let’s rewind.  To where it all started.  Oh, I don’t know when it started.  I think I was around mid 40’s I’m going to say.  I’m already showing signs of Menopause as memory loss at its finest! It was the boiling hot sleeps and hot flashes that were the initial indicators.  So bad, that I would wake up in wet sheets and then be freezing.  I thought at first that I had a bug, a chill or something underlying.  Bring on the googling of symptoms. I do that every time with anything vaguely medical.  Just me? If you do, then you will know it is not wise, yet we go back for more! There is never a good outcome, there’s always a bit that says, ‘something more sinister, please see your GP’. How do you know what is sinister and what is not? And the worst bit is, that’s your algorithms to pot, as that’s all your news feed says now.  Lots of bloody pages and groups to join……..menopause this and that, menopause weight gain for the over 50, how to fast for weight loss in menopause, no energy in menopause, Pilates in menopause, energising joint herbal drinks for menopause,  No groups or pages for ‘constant rage and over it’ though.  Absolutely swamped. It’s no wonder we don’t know if we are coming or going. Constantly LIVID.

So, within all the googling it was clear that I ticked quite a few peri-menopausal symptoms. Already?  I didn’t see that coming.  As time went on, I realised that I was experiencing most of the following – poor sleep, fatigue, joint pain (how do I know if this is arthritis or menopause, or is it all just crammed in together), anger (more on that later), mood swings, memory loss, poor concentration, low libido (let’s talk about sex baby, you know how the song goes!) and absolute crippling brain fog. Zero clear thinking.  Who am I? Where am I? What day is it? Endless. Whilst it gets banded about, no one warned me about all this. Boom, it’s there! It became apparent that through discussion with friends usually with alcohol involved, that we were all experiencing some similar crossover.  Also, a total light weight with alcohol now too. Saves money, silver lining? My friends were all googling too.  So, I took myself off to the GP.  Not so much a lovely chat, more of an offload rant.  Luckily, she was very tuned in and must have seen so many other women just like me.  She suggested HRT patches.  Right excellent, I’ll do it!  Straight in with the Everol 50’s (my soon to be best friend) If you know, you know.

I literally paced around waiting on the prescription.  Then came the devastating news that they were out of stock! They would be another 6 to 8 weeks.  I can tell you now, the day I got my hands on them, I ripped 2 patches out of the box and slapped them on.  And waited.  Obviously expecting instant results. Thankfully, my husband interjected.  “Did you read the instructions?”. No. “Let me see the instructions”. Right. “You only need one patch, look, you’ve to alternate and leave on for so many days and then switch, so let’s start again”. Honest to god, the faff, but also thank god, for him and his reasoned brain.

After about 2 to 3 weeks, I felt a shift in many symptoms, no idea if it was the placebo effect or not, but something was working.  I didn’t care what it was, but it felt better.  There was a lot of people who were glad of this, not just me.  I was also flinging myself into cold water at every give opportunity as there is evidence to suggest that this also helps many of the symptoms.  Already the water baby, so in I went and with pals sometimes too, who were experiencing similar things. It helped.  You can try it, even if you hate the cold.  I mean, don’t knock it until you’ve given it a bash.

Obviously, you can also experience some mental health issues in amongst all this too and as you know, if you read my first blog, there was probably a lot of that in the mix too. It can be a difficult and confusing time for many.  Some women sail through it (I’ve yet to meet any!) and for others there is nothing but misery and impending doom.  Is the brain fog and memory loss just part of the aging process or is it part of menopause, or, even worse, both?

I’d like to inject a little humour if I may and share with you some things I experienced and how I managed them (not well for the record). These are all things that have happened in the last couple of years.  So that must mean at my age, I’m in the full throws of it all. Here are some rather irrational and a tad embarrassing examples………..

I started crying at work one morning, because someone put the butter dish in the fridge and I couldn’t spread it on my morning toast. Total nonsense and out of the blue rage. They all thought I was mad.  I could not comprehend my feelings of being overwhelmed at this. I know, it’s a good one, isn’t it!

My sensitivity to sound has always been a thing.  It’s intensified with the menopause. I asked my husband if he could blink more quietly as I could hear him, and it was getting on my last nerve.  In fact, I didn’t ask him. More like “For god sake, could you blink any louder FFS, do you hear yourself”. Not ideal.  Lucky to still be married to the man.

I stormed out of Marks and Spencer’s, upon discovering lots of their bras didn’t have matching pants to go with them.  Literally sweeping out and muttering under my breath, that I was never going back in.  Then put a big rant about it on social media.  Not my best work.  I’ve been back of course since and bought bras and pants. Sigh. My face is probably on the company dart board in the tearoom.

I almost emailed Jacobs the biscuit company, due to the anger at every time I spread ANYTHING on a cream cracker, it broke and crumbled. That was not a good day. Thankfully I didn’t email them. Can you imagine?  Probably be sectioned.

Shouting at everyone in the house, “For godsake, why are you having a shower now? I’ve just cleaned it”.  Then getting all paranoid that they were doing it deliberately to get a reaction and overthought this to the max!  It’s the same when I’ve made the bed.  You can’t sit on it; I’ve just made it.  Get off. LOL.  Is this menopause though or just mother stuff? Or OCD…….

My mum and aunt visited recently.  Mum had brought us lovely biscuits (M and S of course). After they left, I asked my husband if he wanted some biscuits and coffee. He did.  Turned the house upside down trying the find the bloody things. Then called my daughter, asking if she took them to her flat.  No, she hadn’t. A whole night sleep lost, wondering where the hell they went.  Took my husband’s office apart thinking he had hidden them. He could only shake his head and roll his eyes. Texted my mother asking if she had taken them back to hers in her case by mistake.  She replied “what biscuits?”.  Excellent.  Turns out there were no biscuits and I had imagined the whole thing. I mean come on.  Who even am I?

Then there’s the snoring.  That’s quite next level.  Apparently, I sound like “The Predator” (film) at times.  What a lovely thought for all.  My waist has all but disappeared too, but I can’t blame all that on the menopause, that’s more likely to be my love of crisps, cheese, wine and mayonnaise. Middle age spread they call it.  Doesn’t it have a lovely ring to it. Not one for faddy diets, life is for living, women are meant to be curvy Blah Blah Blah.  Incidentally, I’ve read a book recently, the author is a doctor.  It’s called “Fast like a girl”, geared towards women of a certain age.  Wonderful book, lots of science based facts about what time to stop eating at night and when to start eating the next day, so that your body goes into starvation mode and what to eat when.  And you’ll have flat tummy and the body of a 20 year old.  I mean it was interesting and riveting. I actually couldn’t put it down.  She knows her stuff, the author.  However, absolutely no intention of having my last bit of food at 5pm in the evening and then not eating again until 10am the next day.  Are you mad? Totally and utterly intrigued of course, but no follow through I’m quite sure.  I mean its cheese and biscuits at 8pm.  Might not be ready to break that habit even for the waistline.  Also don’t weigh yourselves when menopausal. The scales are liars.

With all the bloody swimming you’d think I’d be slipping down the drain, but quite the opposite.  It’s makes you a bit beefy and big shouldered, so tops don’t fit now. Also need to wolf down the carbs immediately after the workout, just to recover.  Size doesn’t matter for some things.  Women in all shapes and sizes and bloody algorithms about diets if you even think about reading an article on fasting.  I do know one thing; I’ve absolutely no will power so at least I know what I’m not good at.  Most of the time I don’t care.  I sometimes care on holiday when it’s the squeezing into the swimwear at the beach, with all my wobbly bits.  Sack it. Life is short.  Get your wobbly bits out I say. I’m an everything in moderation kind of girl.  You do you and I’ll do me. Just wanted to get that in, in an attempt to be ‘on trend’.

Then I got to thinking about the ‘down there’.  Let’s talk about sex, or lack of it shall we.  Come on, we all know it if we are there and if you’re not, it’s coming for you. You can’t say you weren’t warned now.  I’ve spared you all the ordeal of the element of surprise.  No one tells you everything dries up.  Also, the brain and the vagina no longer connect as it once did.  It’s time for an open and understanding conversation with your other halves people. I can tell you that it’s not all bad though but we’re not getting any younger.  One solution.  Just order a tonne of lube and crack on.  Your sex life changes through the aging and menopause process and that’s ok, but don’t make it a taboo subject or something to fear. Everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life.  It’s your body and you’re not dead yet.  You’re on your life journey and you adapt.  We’re not getting any more flexible in our old age and that’s ok too.  Keep the connection alive.  Bet you’re glad that bits done. Also, staggering amounts of reading to be done on that subject.  Mind those algorithms.

I’ll tell you something positive now.  Menopause is your get out of jail ticket for everything! Anger and incandescent rage – it’s the menopause.  Moody for no reason – it’s the menopause.  Stomping around for no reason – it’s the menopause.  Snappy and babbling incoherently – it’s the menopause.  Excessive wind – it’s the menopause.  Constant weeing – it’s the menopause.  I even say to my kids and my husband, if anything goes wrong, I ask them why…..they all say in unison “it’s the menopause mum”.

Back of the net. Use it people, to your absolute advantage. It covers literally everything so just blame the menopause and no one can argue with that!

I should probably finish on a more serious note as it would be wrong not to mention and acknowledge that some people suffer so acutely with it, that it can be grippling and horrendous and life limiting almost.  I read a story about a woman that was so depressed and struggling so badly with the menopause that it affected all of her rational thinking, functioning and actions. One day she snapped.  She got so fed up of her husband not make the bed properly that one day he drove home and all the household bedding was in the front garden.  Other horror stories of women, harming themselves and others due to all the symptoms mentioned.  Horrible, black, bleak thoughts.  So, look out for those people as we could do with a bit more awareness of the issues and how badly some people are affected.  Workplaces apparently are becoming better at understanding and acknowledging this as a medical condition that needs care, understanding, information and support.

I’d love to hear how you are all managing with your own experiences of this and what helps and what doesn’t. Are you struggling or sailing through? How does you partner respond? How are your workplaces?  Are you experiencing any taboo areas? Who do you talk to about all of it.

Until next time.

Next up – Life and Cold Water Swimming