I remember shopping being fun. Maybe that was the young carefree days, less focus on body image. I got to wondering if body confidence grows or declines as we get older. I feel that there is also an essence of caring less as we get older, had some kids and watched our bodies change, alongside the natural aging process. I am trying to remember if there was a lot of scrutiny about how woman looked or should look. My memory does not serve me well. 80’s supermodels, big hair and tans.
Partly, I think there was less choice. The High Street shops had Etam and Top Girl and catalogues were a big thing too. If things were too long, we all new someone with a sewing machine that could sort that for you. I think I was in my late 30’s or early 40’s before ‘petite’ or ‘long’ were options and some recognition that all women’s body shapes were not all the same. It was later before we started to see some high street shops and online stores introducing their ‘curve’ range. More on that later.
I spent a lot of my teens in a swimsuit, doing competitive swimming. I don’t ever remember comments about body shape, in the circles I moved in, although I’m sure they existed. And we were certainly all different body shapes, all heights, different boobs and so on. The fashions back then were simpler, more basic and advertising was less. There was more emphasis on how to put together an outfit and far less on the type of model wearing the clothes.
As a rule, I feel women have more say in how they dress, more than ever and rightly so. Remember the Erin Brockovich movie with Julia Roberts where she dressed just as pleased, when challenged by a male work colleague about how she should dress, when wearing something described as ‘provocative’? Women certainly don’t need dictated to. By men, no less. Does fashion affect our self-image through the ages? Nowadays, I’m all about the comfort. I feel confident when I wear clothes that fit well, aligns with my own personal style and feels good. Could be classed as boring or safe or no style for some.
Then there’s the social comparisons, we might be influenced by a desire to fit in or impress depending on the occasion or setting. This can be tricky to navigate as it may well bring you out of said comfort zone and may impact on how we perceive ourselves in comparison to others. Unfortunately, fashion choices can also reflect social status and wealth. Just like anything else in this world, from the house you live in, the area you live in, the schools your kids go to, the car you drive, whether you shop in Marks and Spencer or Asda’s. God it’s a lot and boy do we like to judge as a nation. Clothing is no different.
I recently went shopping with my daughter. I would say that neither of us really enjoy shopping and trying things on in stores, and we both struggle with what we like, what looks good on us or getting clothes that make us feel good and fit. The choice initially was endless. We’d moan if we had less choice so I’m not sure which is worse! Neither of us were looking for anything in particular, maybe a jumper.
The most confusing part was that quite a few High Street women’s fashion store label their women’s clothing sizes starting at XXS. Sorry, I’d like to know who is an XXS in adult fashion? And unhelpfully this differs store to store so isn’t even a benchmark of similarity.
I held the sizes up and thought, well, that XXS might fit an average 8-year-old. Some of the sizes went up to an XXL in women, again when held up, maybe suited to a women’s size 14 (which, incidentally, is the average size of a woman in the UK today). I found a lovely grey basic, V neck sweater from a fairly High end, fashion store. The model in the picture, was at best bordering on looking as though she may have had an eating disorder, which filled me with sadness, promoting body image and clothing by models that look ill. So, this is how the jumper will look on me then? Sceptical at best. We had already trailed and tried stuff on, so I decided to wing it, not try it on and picked up an XL. I’ve never bought anything in XL, so this made me question my own body shape. Now, before we get into an uproar, there’s nothing wrong with a woman being XL or any size for that matter, but I’m mostly a size 10/12 on top so I did wonder what does this message reinforce? To me and other women?
Got the top home, and it was so tight I could hardly get it over my boobs. Absolutely raging and a full-on rant followed, muttering about bloody body image, appalling marketing of the images and so basically if I had gone for an XXL in the top, it still probably wouldn’t have fitted right so……sorry, you can’t shop here. Marvellous. Not ideal for any women’s self-confidence. It’s SO hard. You can’t even rely on actual women’s sizing to be in anyway helpful either. I have clothes in sizes ranging from 8 to 14, depending on where you shop. (Granted, another clear out is needed). Which I suppose reflects that we are in fact not the same so that’s good but also it you are a 10 in one shop, then a 12 in another, I think this could give room to a little self-doubt.
Whilst fashion is most certainly catching up to a new generation’s understanding that every body shape is a good body, regardless of age, gender, colour or abilities, there is still some way to go. For so long, the media and society told us if we weren’t a certain shape (thin) we were not to be on display and should be covered up. Celebrities are constantly scrutinised too, aren’t they? They put on some normal healthy weight gain and boom, its breaking news! They lose weight and boom, their checking into rehab, and they make headlines suggesting they are suffering from an eating disorder. And let’s be honest, some of them have likely struggled with their body image, and have actually suffered from eating disorders, as they’ve had the message that to be a successful woman on tv means, you need to lose weight. That’s a bit grim.
There are still lingering negative thoughts in changing rooms for example. I’m not a fan of changing rooms in general. God, if anything, they’d make me not buy the clothes I’m trying on, thanks to the cramped spaces, poor lighting and mirrors that do nothing for the body image. Hideous. Many high street stores now promote and lean into their ‘curve’ range. And about time. I also don’t like the way they categorise it. Here’s the thin model, modelling items that come in sizes 6 to 16. Then we have the bigger model, wearing the ‘curve’ range. Why can’t we have curvy women modelling the size 12 range? Oh, it’s all a lot. And it’s confusing and misleading and disappointing. Whilst there is a shift, it could and should be more inclusive.
I know it’s getting better but it’s still there. I mean for as long as I can remember the fashion industry promoted exactly one kind of body – tall, slim, young, able bodied, white. Whilst there is nothing wrong in that statement, it does rather exclude any other woman that does not fit that mould and kind of says that this is a long advanced ideal of female beauty. Sigh.
All manner of diets, the latest craze, promising to make you look like the willowy models that are everywhere. Totally unrealistic and not attainable. And you can’t win there either. Even that makes headlines, mostly women focused too. Selana Comez, gain weights, looks amazing and voluptuous is ridiculed, body shamed and scrutinized in the media, even whilst talking about how much happier and healthier she feels. You couldn’t write it. Look at Adele, lost a tonne of weight – her body, her choice, feels better for it and again lots of really negative comments about “is she ashamed to be a bigger woman”, “what does that say about bigger women” “she’ll put it all back on again”. Endless body shaming scrutiny that doesn’t go away. And a lot of it by women themselves.
It can feel so difficult to feel good in your own body and this can be influenced by our up bringing, what messages we got as children, what our experience of school was like. A lot of women only feel at ease with their own bodies when they are alone. I totally get that. I think we are all racked with self-doubt at different times in our lives. I mean we should all love ourselves, but we all know it runs deeper than that. We don’t need to change but maybe the system and society do. There is no ideal sizing to look ‘pretty’. Let’s remember we are all unique and individual so please don’t make us all try and be the same. Diversity is far more interesting too.
The research too is endless and for good reason. Apparently 6 out of 10 women in Britain, believe that the media still promote a body image that is not attainable and 8 out of 10 women say the media and fashion industry has harmed their appearance and the way they view themselves. High end fashion is also not affordable to everyone, and I’m not talking about designer brands. I’m talking about High Street fashion. Not having the disposable income to buy the clothes you want or like could also affect our feelings of confidence too, comparing ourselves to others and evoking feelings of self-doubt. At the end of the day, we are still living through an economic crisis.
We can’t blame the fashion industry for everything though. I know it’s more complicated than that. All sorts of our own predisposed factors could come into play, including our mental health, relationships difficulties, our own psychological difficulties, and so on, but we cannot help but see the role models for women still being based on a fashion industry that continues to promote an ideal and somewhat unrealistic image of how we should look and how much happier we’d be if we adopted this look. No thank you. It is also so incredibly shallow to suggest this is the only thing that matters in our lives.
I have to say that it is becoming better, gradually. Lot of diversity finally in women’s sport – be strong, be fit, be real. Love that. Women in film and tv – be plus size, black and talented! Even better. Let’s focus on ability and talent and move away from looks and beauty being the number 1 agenda.
Whilst I myself am a total advocate of a healthy balanced lifestyle, feeling fit and strong, we are so much more than our own bodies. I don’t like fashion and I don’t like shopping and I don’t like how clothes are promoted and I don’t like changing rooms. But going forward I will tolerate them. I wonder if shopping online is easier because it saves time, and we can try things on in our own environment?
I’ll tell you what I do like. I like myself and how I look, most of the time. I like my wobbly bits (on a good day) and I like a lifestyle of everything in moderation. This is how I was made, and this is me. I don’t go to bed hungry because I love good food. Exercise is part of my day. But so are most of the food groups. I’ve lived long enough to know what works for my body and what doesn’t. Life is too short to be led by a system that promotes “if you’re thin and pretty, you’re happy”. Erm it’s a no, from me.
It’s so much harder for women. And I’m not just talking size. Go grey and you look old, men look like sexy silver foxes. Not my words but I see it everywhere. Andy McDowell, Hollywood actress on the red carpet with all her grey hair – she looks amazing. But they talk about her hair instead of the killer outfit. Sarah Jessica Parker, lots of grey roots on show on the red carpet and everyone comments on it. Her response is, she’s not had time and her focus is on other things like family. Love it. Olivia Coleman said recently that if she was a man in Hollywood, she’d have doubled her earnings. Still progression to be made there.
Big shout out to small businesses, boutiques, and independent studios, you know who you are, that embody, promote and celebrate all women’s body shapes, skin colour, sexual orientation and abilities. Much more inclusive, healthy, relatable, and enjoyable. Bye High Street.
A kindly reminder that these are my thoughts and perspectives of my own life so feel free to like it, not like it or disagree. Just like we are not all the same, we certainly don’t all think the same.
Tell me your shopping stories, good, bad or blah.
Have you had some lovely experiences or not so lovely?
NEXT UP – Life with letting go of relationships and friendships.
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