I have always been a bit obsessed with life paths. How does it all work. Does the universe guide us a certain way or do we consciously or unconsciously make those all-encompassing life decisions. I have overthought this to death. And came up with no reasonable or understandable answers, that satisfy my interest or curiosity.
You know if you meet certain people, or do a course, or take a job somewhere, these will all lead to different outcomes. I mean, short of stating the obvious. But the point is, when you reach a fork in the road, do you go right or left? And either option might be fine but will lead you down a different path. I am fascinated with it all. Is everything left to chance?
I’ve heard people talk about their future lives when they are young. I was there once. They will do this or that. I’m here to tell you that all of that is highly unlikely. Aside from picking where you might like to live or a career niche, everything else leads you to the fork in the road. You don’t know who you will end up spending and sharing your life with or if you will be happily single, unless you are one of those people who meet the love of their lives in high school…..the end. Even then, you don’t know if it will last forever, if career choices cause conflict, if ill health, financial difficulties, grief and loss and all other life events get in the way of ‘this is what I am doing with life, and with whom’.
And that, my friend, is the beauty of life. The not knowing it all, not having it all mapped out and being open to change. I’m also a real fan of staying in my own lane. Outside influences often left me swaying to change my perspective or choices, but now I am steadfast in my own decision making and do it with gumption. I think this is all about following your instincts too. I used to slot in to other people’s ideals, a lot, and now I’m actually quite cut throat.
I am very protective of my time and feeling positive to saying ‘no’ to things, ideas, plans or people and minus the guilt. It’s one time around the sun and I plan to be happy. Happiness is and can be a choice. But is it also a state of mind? I have been in places, jobs and with people I’ve not felt happy with, so I can resonate and understand the feeling of being stuck or that there are no other choices. Because I have most certainly been there, and walked in those shoes, more than once.
Maybe as you age, you become more self-assured, more confident, but again the fork in the road will appear. Do people ever feel, 'this is my lot in life and it’s too late to change'. I’ve heard people say ‘Ah there’s no point in changing now…..I’ve been with this person or at the that job and that’s my life mapped out’. Wait. What. This brings me to risk and fear. Both risk and fear are similar for me. I’ve taken risks and there is always fear. Risk is scary but it is also a driver. A driver for change. How many people want to change but let fear hold them back. There must be millions. And yes, I’ve been one of them too, so don’t think I’m preaching without lived experience. I’ve definitely worn that t shirt and I might even wear it again at some point, but I’m hoping not. There is learning in everything we do.
Does your life become so embedded in your sometimes predictable, clinical, daily purpose and roles that there is no room to change. I wonder about this. And what about aspirations. Does everyone dream about a different life or a different focus. It’s so easy to get side tracked, particularly when you are young and starting out. There are so many pressures, particularly for women, although I don’t really wish to use a gender specific narrative. However, given that I am a woman, I’m sharing a collection of my own thoughts, feelings and opinions. Marry the right person (but make sure you’re in love and it’s not a business arrangement), find a career niche (hopefully something you love, rather than the biggest earner), have some children if you are lucky enough to be able to (and not because this is the expectation), to love and be loved.
I’m not stating that this is the only lot in life for women and all genders in fact, as thankfully we now see endless options for everyone in our new evolving, more inclusive society, although I suggest this, with caution. People are thriving, that do not include any of the above ideals or expectations, but I feel the pressure is still there lurking around with little undercurrents. I’ve not done things that society dictated for me, I’ve broken rules, done things that people have frowned upon, that I’ve frowned upon and I’ve had my endless struggles in love, money, careers and so on and that has helped me, when I’ve been at the fork in road in so many different ways. All endings of something, open up possibilities to other things and I think you can apply that to everything in life. You know the old saying, one door closes....another one opens.
Life takes so many twists and turns, most of which you cannot predict. I’ve looked back on my life at my forks in the road. All things have led to my here and now. Some, I have made happen and some I didn’t have a lot of control over. I’ve never felt more content, happy, at peace and confident than I do now, and now only experience a small healthy dose of stress rather than endless, anxiety fuelled pockets of stress, as I have experienced through numerous life events. It took me many years to get here and I do wonder sometimes if I could have got here sooner, but of course, like all things life, you do not know what lies ahead. You are most definitely the keeper of your own destiny.
Within all things fork in the road and life, is your own lens. How we view ourselves and others in their way of life or choices. I am also fascinated with the lens and how we are all different. Which I love. I still don’t really understand how a difference of opinion, via you own lens could be soul destroying for someone else. There are way too many examples to cover, but you know what I’m talking about. If I got bothered by what everyone said about me or my choices or my opinions I’d never get anything done. Overthinking and over dissecting and over analysing has been harmful at times, so banish that I did. Game changer.
My life has changed a lot in the last couple of years, some decisions taken out of my hands and some were about leaping into risk and fear, taking a chance. If you’ve read the other blogs, you’ll know only too well what I’m talking about. Other people consuming themselves in what you are and aren’t doing and with whom. Obsessive and taking up valuable life time, but of course, meaning that they are not focusing on themselves. Instead, getting caught up in everyone else’s lives, a weird kind of procrastination. A very unhealthy way to live. Been that person too. Its good to be able to recognise those traits in yourself, even after all this time. And a fear of making their own changes? Or disappointment that they didn’t. Live and let live I say. Endless judgement everywhere. I’ve done that too, but hopefully learned from it. Perfection of course, never has and never will exist, so trust your own perceptions and lens. I wish I had been this content and focused at 40. But my forks in the road dictated otherwise. Instead I was 50. But part of the journey is acceptance that you were there and now you’re here.
And for some it will take a lifetime. There is no time frame. No regrets are important though. I don’t have any. I don’t blame anyone for who or what I am. I’ve had therapy to make sense of things though and processed and worked on myself. I’ve lived through many difficult times and it is true what they say, it does make you stronger. I feel an essential part of life is living and experiencing life events that are challenging and difficult and of course lead you to the cross roads. I wonder what it is like to live a life that you have totally mapped out for yourself? Do those people exist? If you are one of them, that’s amazing! But what were YOUR forks in the road.
Fear is rubbish, isn’t it. It stops you trying new things. You are never too old for changing your life path, you could be 80 and make new decisions about how you choose to spend your time, your career, your down time, your love choices. And never dictate to someone how to live their lives, be open and kind to different life paths and let people flourish in their own time. Life is what you make it. It’s not a competition. As author Claire Keegan said, about her book ‘Small things like these’……to not have understood or walked in the shoes of sadness, would be the death of empathy. I totally get that. Very powerful.
Ten years ago, I would never have foreseen the life I live now. I’ve been a terrible worrier and over thinker for a long time, a lot of that time overthinking the fork in the road! What about defining or measuring success? This comes up all the time at the fork in the road. I think there are many people who still define success as having big careers, big salaries, big houses, big holidays, big cars, but at times a detriment to their own personal happiness? Where are my other people at. I’ve learnt in the last few years that my own personal success is finally doing something I love and having my mental and physical health intact. That’s it. Simple. It took a long time to get here, but it was worth the wait.
I’m spending so much less time scrolling social media/apps etc, deleted a lot. I use Instagram only which I now use to post or for writing workshop content, I barely look at anyone else’s ‘stuff’. Of course there are no rules there either, but perceived rules. Do what you want online particularly if you are sharing joy, definitely not enough of that going on. I turn the TV off more than I turn it on, I fire through my books and have better conversations with the people that matter. I have literally gained more hours in my day. And that’s not simply down to no longer working in a highly stressful, unsupportive work environment, it’s because my priorities have changed. I choose joy, in the things I love. When I think of the time wasted over the years……I can’t even tell you. And there is a difference to that and having a chilled day. There is nothing wrong with losing a day, when you need a rest. I’ve definitely aligned my own priorities.
And how I choose to spend my time. I’m sitting here with an 85,000 word manuscript of a book, that’s taken me well over a year to write and I’m considering undertaking a writing or editing course…….ploughing through all the course content, eager for progress, to learn and develop. The creative enjoyment and time spent on this is second to none. There are already not enough hours in the day. I’ve taken on some hefty swimming event challenges – challenges because they are going to be difficult. The training for such is already difficult and time consuming. It’s important to me to be busy, motivate and push myself, feel stimulated and always have personal goals, always looking for more.
I know that I suppressed my own creative path, for many years, by making other choices and being too scared to go left instead of right. If you have dreams and aspirations, please follow them, maybe the timing isn’t right just yet but it will be and you’ll be all the more ready for it when it comes. I was lucky enough to take early retirement from my career, but I was quite prepared to continue on, but achieve a better work/life balance, had things not turned out the way they had. Again, the fork in the road……….I’m not going back to that life, I’m changing my path, because I’ve evaluated how I felt. Sometimes I didn’t even recognise myself.
Anyone, and I mean anyone can change their life path. Even small changes are a great starting point. Dip your toe into something you’ve always wanted to do, maybe it will be a new hobby that will change your life path. You don’t have to change everything to fit it all in, just prioritise your own joy and how you spend your time. When you learn to prioritise yourself, you are better for others, particularly when you have caring responsibilities. Tricky balance too when you have young children as we often put ourselves to the bottom of the pile, like we don’t matter, when we do. Remember that fear is a driver so try and embrace it. Changing your life path is both scary and risky. I think staying put is scarier. Although the definition of such is open to interpretation, given that my scary may not be your scary.
Maybe you are already content, successful personally, and have the good fortune of good health, and well done if this is you. Forget about what others think and stay in your own lane. To those at the fork in the road, take a chance. And don’t overthink it, another opportunity will present itself if it doesn’t work out……..there will always be forks in the road.
NEXT UP – Life with Cruise Ship memories, behind the scenes and all the flashbacks.
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